The Mad Bull’s Blog, Version 3

Natty used to be a hairdresser and she prides herself on being able to identify which women cream or otherwise straighten their hair and which have naturally straight hair, and which women have in hairpieces or are wearing wigs and so on.

Yesterday, I was walking down a corridor with her and saw her fooled, however!
Natty: “Hi Tina. I like your hair. How do you get it like that?”.
Tina: “What you mean? It comes like that!”.

Having witnessed that, I am now left wondering…. is she losing her touch or wah?

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Happy Friday!!! Oh, and Happy Fourth of July to my American readers. Since its a Friday and since I came across a couple of decent jokes, I thought I would celebrate by sharing.

Kitty & Lady Find L-O-V-E

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says that she is there to give her three wishes.
The widow made her first wish. ”I wish I was 21 and beautiful!” The wish is instantly granted.
”I wish I had a million dollars!” The wish is granted.
”I wish that my cat here were the most handsome guy in the world and was madly in love with me.” The wish is granted.

The now young lady and her man go inside. They start to cuddle, and the man looks at her.
”Aren’t you upset now that you had me fixed?”

And here’s a Lawyer Joke

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
“Can you tell me how much you charge?”, said the client.
“Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $200 to answer three questions!”
“Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is”, said the lawyer, “And what’s your third question?”

Animal’s Revenge

Well, I hope you enjoyed those, I know I did. Have a great long weekend! (Yeah, Monday is a public Holiday here! )

Mad Bull
Website : http://www.madbull4.net/wordpress/
“We may be born alone and die alone, but we can live together… We can!” - KD (of http://kdblog.com/)

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Some time back, say about a month to a month and a half ago, someone posted a video on Youtube. The video was shot at a dance held in downtown George Town and it had a rather vulgar display of “dancing” in it. The video was captioned “Cayman Dancehall April 2008″. Word of the video’s existence got out and the video was watched ad nauseum by all and sundry, and there was a general feeling of shame and disgust by many Caymanians (”That is definitely not Caymanian culture!”), so much so that it became the topic of much veranda (and other forms of) talk, it was the hottest topic on the airways and it was looked at by the police and even brought up and discussed in the Legislative Assembly with a view to seeing if there were any laws broken so that they could punish somebody and how they could prevent such a thing from happening again.

With all the discussions, it came out that the girls who were involved in the dirtiest “dancing” were only about 14 or so! (Ah which part dem parents did deh? How dem allow dem young daughter fi deh a street at dance?! )

I didn’t write about it at the time because when all the furore broke out about the video, either the person who posted it up removed it or somehow the content was blocked, and if you can’t watch the video, well, much of the punch is taken away from whatever I would have to say. I was told recently that the video was available again, and so here is a link to watch it if you want to. (Note that you will have to login to Youtube and confirm your age. They don’t want minors watching that ish)

So, what do you think of the stuff in that video? A Member of the Legislative Assembly (MLA) here commented that what went on in the video was worse than the public gay kissing event that occurred here in Cayman recently! What do you think?

What are my thoughts on that video? Well, first and foremost, thats not really dancing. Second, if I saw my fourteen year old daughter dancing like that, well, I would feel like I had failed to instill in her any appropriate moral values, and then she would have to be locked down for awhile, and also made to see the folly of her ways! Actually, if I saw my son dancing like that in public, I would take issue with it! He would have to undergo lockdown too! I would have to counsel him, let him know that women are not to be treated that way, even when they are misguided enough to think its all in good fun.

Should anyone be punished legally for the stuff that occurred on the video? Maybe the guy and the girl who destroyed the plant! Thats just total disrespect for other people’s property!
Generally, I don’t think that this was a legal matter as such. The parents of those girls have a lot of work to do though….

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I just read that they have selected a young lady to represent Jamaica in the Miss Earth Pageant. Her name is Simone Burke. I got the impression from reading the story that she was selected in a manner which lacked transparency from the newspaper article, but it would appear that they have made a decent selection still. Click through to the newspaper article if you want to see a photo of her as she appeared onstage posing after winning the pageant. Its not a good picture though, much too small! I therefore did a search and here are two pictures that I have found. (You may click on the first picture to see a bit more…)

So, she looks nice and she is brainy, I guess, because she was a head girl at Immaculate High School, and they only put brainy girls in that position, so what more dem wah? Oh, I know! She prolly not dark enough! Right, right….

I say “Congrats to her!”. Good luck to her still, despite the complaints from the penny section. I also implore the Gleaner to put up bigger photos of beauty queens online in the future (Eediats! ) and I hope the organisers of this pageant will work hard to get out more info on their pageant in future. TTYL.

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Ok, ok… the questions are in bold font, the answers are not… ok, run de track!

If you could live on another continent for 1 year, which one would you choose?

Its hard for me to single out ONE continent that I would live in for one year.. I would live in Europe, in North America, and in some places in Central America and South America. I would live in some places in Asia. I would live in Australia as well. Probably in some places in Africa as well. I don’t know enough about Africa to really answer that question, and the news out of Africa can be a bit depressing, you know?

Do you consider yourself to be an optimist or a pessimist?

I am sort of middle of the road on this… sometimes I am one, sometimes the other. If I have to choose one, I would say that I am an optimist.

What is your favorite color of ink to write with?

Blue, black or green.

When someone smiles at you, do you smile back?

If its a woman, generally, yes. If its a man, it depends. Does this man look like a man or a men? Was there anything fishy about the smile? If I find that I think the man is sort of AC/DC, then maybe I will not smile back, or I will beat a hasty retreat. Otherwise, if I don’t think the smile is anything more than a smile, maybe I will smile back.

Name something you would categorize as weird.

Thats not really a question, is it? Sounds more like an instruction to me… Anyway… something I categorise as weird? Men I don’t know smiling at me for no reason. Seems sort of fishy… What you think?

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Life isn’t about finding yourself…life is about creating yourself.

George Bernard Shaw

Oonoo try ‘memba dat, seen?

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I like this one.

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Very interesting stuff going on here at work today. We have a pool tournament going on at work. Huh? Didn’t I mention that along with the great view (oftentimes inside and out ) and the two big flat screen televisions, my office lunchroom has a pool table? Ok, so its not regulation sized, it is more along the size of the pool table Midas has at home, but it works for me.

Anyway, so they arranged this pool tournament, seen? I was in it, but a lady knocked me out. Long story…. suffice it to say that I find that I always play women easier than I play men, and I think I did a bit of that and then realised that I shouldn’t have, but it was already too late… I don’t want to take too much from her still, she is good. Still, I do feel I could have managed her if I wasn’t trying to go easy at first.

The effed-up thing about it was that the lady and I finished on the same amount of points, but they used this arcane, silly, effed-up rule that because she had already faced me and beaten
me, then she would go through. I didn’t know that this rule was in effect, I thought we would have had to play again to see who would go through and I was planning to really bring it in our next match up, but it wasn’t to be.

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t pissed. I was more than a little bit bitter about that, but ah so it go. Next time for her, but thats not what I was talking about today.

So today we are in the quarter final round, seen… one of my bredrins, (who a lot of us thought was going to win the whole thing, actually) was beaten by the guy that sits beside me (lets call him Tom). I was quite surprised, I didn’t know that Tom was that decent at pool. I need to get a game with him one of these days! So we (the spectators) were all clustered around this pool table watching these two guys competing for pride and for a $50 gift voucher at Gillians Pool Hall, and I must admit, it occurred to me that the atmosphere was much like that which would obtain at any real big sporting event, like Wimbledon or one of those big golf matches with Tiger Woods in it or something!

Seriously! The deep silence as people lined up and sized up their shots, the gasps and the applause after really good shots, the tension in the air… it was great! I wish I was still in it! But there will be another tournament! I vow to do better in that one! There will be another tournament, won’t there?

Dem better doh play wid me, eenuh!

Hear what! I’m going to leave you now, because its getting late, but I will leave a little present for you. I want to leave you smiling, you nuh seet?

Three contractors are bidding to fix the fence at Jamaica House. One is from Montego Bay, another from Kingston and the third, from Mandeville. They go with an official from Jamaica House, to examine the fence.

The Mo-Bay contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ‘Well,’he says. ‘De job gwine run yuh ’bout $90,000: $40,000 fi material, $40,000 fi my crew an’ $10,000 profit fi me.’

The Mandeville contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, ‘I can do dis job fi $70,000; $30,000 fi material, $30,000 fi my crew and $10,000 profit fi Mass Me. ‘

The Kingston contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the Jamaica House official and whispers: ‘$270,000.’ The official, incredulous, observes: ‘Yuh didn’t even tek measurement like de addah contractah dem! Weh yuh get such a high figgah?’

‘Easy man,’ the Kingstonian explains, ‘Look yah! $100,000 fi you, $100,000 fi me an’ we hire de breddah from Mandeville’.

You know that this is how people run business in the Caribbean for true, right?

TTYL.

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Kim Kardashian: Baby got Back!

Here is a nice honey for all the fathers out there. Hey, any of oonoo ever dream of a little menage with two hot sisters? Well, I have! No, Natty, not recently, but I know nuff bredrins are doing that just now and I like to please all kinds of people, so… (By the way, Owen, nuh boddah pass no fool fool comment ’bout white woman, you know! For one thing, Kim mus’ have some black in her, look how she have batty fi days! A black man mus’ did beat the fence somewhere in her ancestry! )
(more…)

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Natty’s parents are coming to visit, in fact, they land at the Owen Roberts Int’l Airport in under an hour. We have been moving boxes and stuff around to make the place look presentable, but we have a lot of stuff that used to be housed in drawers and bookshelves which are temporarily in short supply that I finally decided to put them away up in the area under the roof.

Yes sir, the way they build houses here is that the put in a drywall ceiling. Above this ceiling is the space between the ceiling and the roof. Some call it an attic, some call it a crawl space. Probably they build houses like this all across America and in many other places, but I am not accustomed to that from the places I’ve lived in back in Jamaica. Anyway, it looks to me like it will come in pretty useful, because it can hold a fair amount of stuff.

One thing though… IT HOT NUH RA$$ UP DEHSO!!

Trust me, I wasn’t in there longer than maybe 5 minutes overall, and that was not continuously, but I wet through! Sheeiitt! If you had told me about it, I wouldn’t believe it! Or maybe I would believe you, but I still wouldn’t understand you. The place is a freakin’ SAUNA, yo!!!

I am now thinking that I should go up there dressed in nothing but a brief for maybe 8 - 10 minutes a day, just to sweat out the impurities in my body! Why should I go in some sauna at the Ritz when I have that hotbox right here in my own yard? What do you think, good idea? Of course, I’d have to make sure that someone knew I was up there whenever I did it, because next thing I knock out up there! I sure that you could die up there if you stay more than an hour! Yes, it IS that hot!

By the way, it is mango season here… I heard a story on the news about a woman who went into the bush up by East End, hunting for mangoes… apparently she went into the bush up by the Queen’s Highway at about 12:00pm and she didn’t come out for over three hours. Someone panicked and called the cops. Good thing! They sent in a helicopter to search for her and were eventually able to find her lying prone in the middle of some very thick bush. Apparently she had become totally disoriented and was quite dehydrated as well, and even though she was no more than 900 feet from the highway, she was not able to make her way back to it. The cops had to chop their way into the bush in order to get her out.
Apparently she would probably have died if she had stayed there overnight! Scary huh? What some people will go through for those lovely, sweet mangoes!

TTYL…

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